The first time I knowingly saw a prostitute she was receiving oral sex from a colleague on stage.
Twenty-five minutes later she was whispering in my left ear the astonishing number of things she could do to me for 9,000 forints.
Sounds like a good night. Sadly, I was 17 with sweaty palms and a nervous disposition. And she was 55 with breasts like Christmas stockings.
It was in a strip bar in Budapest, which, manky hookers apart, is a beautiful city.
I should point out there were some very attractive prostitutes as well, such was my luck.
In 1999, Hungary legalised prostitution. And three years ago, the country’s tax authority said the move had helped the Hungarian sex industry raise the equivalent of $1billion a year.
A smart business move, perhaps. But concerns remain among campaigners who say legal sex workers across the EU are often trafficked foreigners who are mistreated.
In the UK, the official line is that prostitution is illegal. But a quick glance at PunterNet.com tells you a slightly different story.
PunterNet is the premier database for men who want a lady and don’t mind paying, complete with one of the most eye-opening search facilities on the web which allows users to identify girls by ‘service’.
This isn’t your everyday comparison site. Never before had I checked boxes for ‘Rimming – giving’ and ‘Water sports – receiving’. Who said romance was dead?
Startlingly, there were nine results in the Yorkshire area. And one in Sheffield.
Naturally, for research purposes only, I took a look at ‘Katrina’s’ personal website.
She starts, as it turns out all these sites do, by saying she’s a professional masseuse who takes money for time and companionship only. Any other agreement between her and her clients is not part of the price.
It must be a coincidence, then, that every field report from ‘Katrina’s’ place on PunterNet has something of a happy ending.
‘Katrina’ is far from alone in Sheffield. There’s able competition from the likes of ‘Karin’, ‘Amy’, and ‘Debbie’, while there’s at least five ‘massage parlours’ on Attercliffe Road alone. We’re inundated.
So it’s surprising, with Sheffield’s booming sex underworld, to hear that punters are scouting around Opal 3.
Maybe they know more than I do. After all, it can be hard for £78-a-week tenants to then afford groceries or a night out. And ‘Katrina’ charges £120 an hour for a callout.
But most students would rather try and finish their dissertation at the moment rather than being handcuffed to their single bed by a moustached middle-aged bloke from Heeley.
Yet if any student does like the sound of 100 quid an hour, you needn’t worry about its illegality. Most prostitution is clearly tolerated in this country.
We could never dispel our classic reserve and legalise it; so as long as you’re not loitering outside Aslan’s on West Street every other Friday being a visible law-breaker, you can crack on.
Anti-prostitution campaigners say legalising prostitution won’t stop some women being exploited.
But surely any type of regulation, like that in place in Hungary, can empower employees at places like those seedy Attercliffe brothels, while young students can walk home from the library without fear of being accosted by lonely punters.
For many working girls like ‘Katrina’ and ‘Karin’, working beneath the law might not be a problem.
From their glowing PunterNet reviews, they appear to have a loyal and somewhat protective fan base.
One drools: “I … would unreservedly recommend her to anyone who likes to spend time with an attractive, intelligent, friendly and supremely talented lady.”
And another: “Not a clock watcher and left me with a huge smile on my face. Can’t wait till I’m in Rotherham again.” (You’re alone there, mate.)
Sadly, this old profession isn’t always as glamorous as these giddy reviewers suggest.
Legislation can help vulnerable victims of this underworld. But while cries remain relatively quiet, ignorance is likely to continue as bliss.