Welcome to Sheffield: the place you’ve probably worked your socks off to get into for the past two years. Unless you applied to Oxford and came through clearing to enter what has often been wrongly classed as a smaller and shitter version of Leeds.
I’ve never actually been to Leeds but I’m adamant that that’s an absolute lie and nobody who holds that opinion has ever set foot inside Corp. Unless they did it sober. In that case, fair play.
Here’s everything you should expect to happen in your first week in Sheffield.
Someone will turn up a day later than everyone else
Meet Gaz (a bit laid back and studies something like History), who rocks up on the Sunday to meet a flat who have already bonded, shared each other’s biggest secrets and have probably already shagged each other by the time he walks through the door.
Gaz will spend the next year keeping his stuff squashed into the top of the mop cupboard because his flat have taken up all the kitchen cupboard space and have left no room for him.
Someone will hide the fact they’ve never actually drank before
Get ready for the one person in every flat that will go out of their way to let everyone know they were an absolute legend back at home and have been on the lash every single weekend since they were 17.
Turns out they’re lying – halfway through the flat’s first game of Ring of Fire, they’ll be two Koppabergs down, won’t be able to use their legs and will probably be found passed out in a corridor by half 10 in a pile of their own vomit. They’ll end up being the group chat picture for the foreseeable future.
You’ll bring way too much stuff
Turns out you probably didn’t need eight frying pans, a wok and that mini fridge your mum bought you to take to uni considering you’re going to be spending the next year eating beans on toast, pot noodles and the occasional Tesco’s ready meal.
You’ll go out the night before a 9am induction meeting
If you haven’t already seen your introduction week timetable, it’s not a very pretty thing to witness. Freshers all over campus will be being dragged into uni at 9am for introduction talks, lectures, and registration to the University. There’s something pretty beautiful about sitting in a lecture theatre at nine in the morning surrounded by hundreds of hungover first year students and trying not to vomit back up the seven jägerbombs you downed in four and a half minutes last night.
Quick heads up – if you’re planning on going out the night before registration, at least attempt to brush your hair a bit before you have your student card picture taken. You don’t want to be looking hungover and instantly reminded of that time you drank your body weight in spiced rum every time you try and get a 10% student discount in Topshop.
You’ll wear white shoes to Corp
Stuck to the floor? Don’t worry, we all are. After visiting Sheffield’s number one fresher’s destination, you’ll be ankle deep in piss and vodka and your white converse will never be the same again.
You’ll break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend from home
You shrugged off everyone’s doom-laden predictions, vowing to try long-distance with your sixth-form love. Five days and three bottles of vodka into freshers and you’ll have forgotten their name. Sorry.
You’ll sleep with your flatmate
Your mates will tell you not to. Your sister will tell you not to. Even your mum will probably tell you not to. But let’s be real, it’s inevitable.
Day 1 and flat E6 can already feel the sexual tension between Charles and Melissa. They’ve planned tomorrow’s trip to Morrisons together, have drunkenly bonded over their love of the Communist Manifesto and are now necking at pre-drinks.
Three weeks later they hate each other. Welcome to the height of awkwardness, sat in the kitchen every morning with your brew, a digestive and a pile of regret. No biggie though, everybody does it.
Someone will drunkenly drag a traffic cone back to your flat
By the end of freshers week, you’ll probably have a road barrier, a shopping trolley and a traffic cone wedged in a cupboard somewhere just in case the cleaner comes round and tries to take it away.
Someone will set the fire alarm off at three in the morning
Whether someone’s tried to cook a pizza drunk or they’ve lit up a joint in their bedroom at 3am, they will undoubtedly set the fire alarm off in your halls block.
And what could possibly be worse than getting a £150 fine for accidentally alerting the fire brigade? Having to leave your nice cosy bed and stand outside for a good half an hour in your big fluffy dressing gown surrounded by all your new mates.
Someone will piss in your sink
Yes, that is where you wash your bowls. And yes, that is where your flatmate has urinated. And thrown up. Probably more than once. But why walk all the way to the bathroom when you have a perfectly good sink three metres away from where you’re sat?
You’ll pay about £18 for a night out you’ll spend the next year paying £3 quid for
A club that usually charges £3 entry will charge you about a tenner entry because they’ve whacked an inflatable palm tree in the corner and told you to dress up. But we all continue to pay it anyway because it’s Freshers’.
You’ll probably only remember about three of the above actually happening. Have a great Freshers’ Week!
Image credit: Santeri Viinamäki.