There comes a point in almost every woman’s life in which something snaps and that problem area just has to go.
Whether it’s hips, thighs or, God forbid, bingo wings, most of us have something we’re unhappy with.
Like this majority of women, I tried my very best, sort of, to keep away from excess over Christmas and the exam period.
But unfortunately, a love of doughy baked products does lead to a somewhat doughy physique. So, much to my dismay, the baked goods had to go.
Anyone who has found themselves gleefully shovelling sweet, sticky chocolate fudge cake into their mouth at 1am, under the shame-inducing glare of the fridge light, knows exactly how weight gain, and weight loss, works.
Having spent, on and off, half my life dieting, it wasn’t like straying into unknown lands.
I’d tried Weight Watchers – successfully, I might add – but realized I am far too lazy for calorie counting.
Dieting is about moderation, but as an all-or-nothing kind of girl, I arrived at one of the more extreme conclusions: it was time to Dukan.
The Dukan Diet, one of the rare few that are actually praised for their health benefits, is based around eating meat, eggs, yoghurt – so long as it’s fat free – and not a lot else.
Fun, right?
The idea of a low-carb regime sounds easy enough, especially when you consider that the first week can mean up to half a stone of weight loss, and to most people means simply cutting out pasta and bread from their meals.
However, Dukan is a bit harsher than that, and so for the next three months of my life I won’t be able to taste real sugar either.
Even fruit is banned, and there is no hope for any post-hangover dairy cravings.
Technically, there shouldn’t even be a hangover, since booze is banned as well. Trips to the off license now leave me with just Diet Coke, no the rum.
A morning coffee means a “no fat, no sugar, no fun” Starbucks, and it’s not unusual to see me whack out an entire cooked chicken for lunch.
Based on four stages, in which you essentially cut out anything fun, and then very, very gradually re-introduce the good stuff, the Dukan Diet is very much for fans of strict discipline, and those who find weighing every single morsel that gets past their lips tedious.
Of course, it’s absolute hell. But any diet which claims to change your whole way of eating, not just the circumference of your thighs, for life, is going to be.
It’s not for everyone, and it’s not going to give you long term weight loss if you don’t stick to it.
A stress-induced pizza binge will reflect on the scales – guilty, officer – and anything more than a sniff of chocolate will show.
But if you do stick to it, you become not only the kind of person who sniffs chocolate, but also the kind of lucky, lucky lady who can eat anything they want, six days a week at least, and not gain weight.
That’s the promised pay-off to all this protein misery.